Sep 112018

So fucking loving this weather! Here’s to the return of my curls behaving themselves, bringing the boots out of the back of the closet, and the color black taking its rightful place dominating all of my wardrobe.
#happygoth #Ilovefall #feelingwitchy

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Aug 012018

Hey Pervs.

Welcome to my new home and hosting. So don’t be alarmed if you notice the website name change from to here at It was a change mostly motivated by outside forces but glad to have found us a guaranteed sex worker friendly home for the future.

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Apr 012018

Hey Perverts.

Thanks for stopping by.

Just a heads up in case you notice some changes. Because of the dramatic, and seriously fucked up, changes to a US law that had protected all sorts of wonderful sexy things from being censored off the internet by puritanical asshats, I’ll be moving my website to a new home very shortly.

But just so you know, in case this site goes dark for a bit as well as for when it comes back with a new web address, I’M STILL HERE! Still entertaining enquires from prospective playmates. Still helping folks like you explore those beautiful, but often hidden, parts of yourself. Still fighting the good fight for all our sexual freedoms, speech based and otherwise.

Basically still kicking ass.

Like ya do.

Also working on a few new fun things that are still in the beta testing phase, but I’d rather not tease you too much with them, not when theres so many naughty ways I can tease you right now.

I would like to clarify one small thing, since some little boys have been having reading comprehension issues.

After much demand, I’d recently added Distance Domination, thru video conferencing and by phone, to my offerings in addition to my Coaching services, which I’ve been offering for a number of years. Now, most men get the difference between a conversation you have with your dick in your hand…and the type where you don’t. But since a few people are still struggling with this here’s a bit more clarification.

Kinky Coaching, or Just Talk sessions, while often about sexuality and a perfectly fine place to talk about your sexual interests, are in and of themselves not meant to be sexy time. They are sometimes flirty, because I’m a flirty person, but again…just talking…nobodies doing anything sexual to anyone or themselves. Just two people talking, not unlike any other type of life coaching.

If you would like to have a conversation, that could still involve you asking questions about your sexuality, like the commonality of your kinks or what women like in a partner, but said session IS meant to strongly affect your bikini region. AND you’ll be able, if not directed, to do something about it. So if you want to be naked, masturbate, and/or engage in any type of D/S role-play as the majority, or even a part of our chat, then you should schedule a Distance Domination session.

But if you try and fight me on where I’ve chosen to place the dividing line…then you’ll get neither option, so don’t be THAT guy and miss a great opportunity.

Things are already getting restrictive on what you’re able to find on the internet from my, and similar, industries. How you interact with us will be more important than ever…because we certainly aren’t feeling forgiving right now, not when there’s still so many lovely people who are fun, and respectful, to play with.

To be continued…

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Jan 022018

And so it begins…a brand new year already chock full of cautious optimism and ambitious expectations. I don’t know about you, but I’ve got some serious plans for the next 12 months. And right here is one of them…more blogging!!! Well, more writing in general actually. I’ve been nudged nicely, but sometimes impatiently, to sit myself down, and put my supposed talent at spinning an entertaining tale to the task of publishing some porn. But writing here is always good practice, and goodness knows, I’ve got enough things to say for multiple publications…

First up, Hi! How was your New Years celebration?

Mine was lovely. Hopefully the old adage of what you’re doing on NYE is what you’ll be doing all year. Because that means more socializing with sexy, smart perverts, more orgasms, and more naughty adventures in general. The last year has involved far too many boring ass mundane stresses, enough to dim the shine of the most determined dominant. But I’m fucking done with that noise. Time to branch out and make sure my kinky self, as well as my non-kinky needs, have many sources of nourishment and support. No small task for an unapologetic introvert in a still frightfully fraught world. But if ever there was a time to be reminded what the fight against the evil forces that would silence all that I hold dear is, this might just be it.

So Sunday…yeah…that was nice. Roughly a hundred proud perverts gathered in a perfectly appointed environment to celebrate and get our sexy on. Being a play party as well as a fundraiser for Sex Work Outreach Program’s (SWOP) Seattle chapter and the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom (NCSF) all but guaranteed attendance by a bevy of beauties. Granted it was a NYE party so folks were more inclined than usual to dress to impress, though the particular nature of the gathering meant that latex and leather was well represented. The holiday and the nature of the party also lent a certain chatty openness that isn’t always present at PNW parties even when you know plenty of participants, we’re such a tribal town. But the vibe, and surroundings, definitely contributed to an inclination to not save all my sex plans for when we got back home.

As some of you may know, I’m not super into public play. I’m happy to indulge if my partner enjoys it. But I usually find playing in the less controlled environment of a party to be prohibitive to the amount of focus both my play style, and my lady parts, prefer when I want to really get my freak on.

But when two very dear friends voiced their intent to do a small scene in one of the slightly less high traffic bedrooms I should have known I wouldn’t be content to just watch.

To back up a bit, I had hoped to have a little “pre-funk” at my place before heading to the event, affectionately refereed to as the Fuck First policy. I find it much easier to be gregarious at gatherings when I’ve already had an orgasm or two. But that plan was mostly foiled by my high femme need to look fabulous first. A few hours surrounded by a cacophony of inspiring sights and sounds had added extra impetus to the needs I’d left unaddressed while getting dressed. So while my main man and I watched our pals play, a little flirty kissing and cock teasing rapidly ramped into a bit more and I had to have him get the one toy we’d brought from my bag.

If you’ve never been to a play party before you might not understand the wonder of getting to have sex…while watching others get their sexy on. No watching a porno at home is nothing like this. Sharing the same space, feeling the energy from the scene in front of you, is not something that an electronic device has the capability of conferring. And while the play happening in front of us, as gorgeous as it was, didn’t hold all of my attention…the small, and large, auditory punctuations made our pairing seem shared.

My man returned with the requested item, a single, long, slim piece of red rope. While sitting on the edge of the bed, I had him drop trow enough that I could easily access his cock and balls. Being much more inclined to public play than myself, no additional fluffing was necessary to make up for the small break in stimulation caused by his brief errand. He was his usual long, thick, hard self when I wrapped one eager hand around his cock. My other hand gathered up his sack, pulled high and tight from his erection, enjoying the delicate feeling of freshly shaved flesh. Making a loop half way up the rope I lasso his junk at the base and then wrap it twice before crossing the rope above his dick and lopping down in front of his balls which I then wrap with the remaining rope, stretching them tautly till they are gathering firm and red like a bright plum waiting for a bite. So perfectly venerable au naturel, but I’m greedy, and love how the slightest graze of my nails along the skin of those sweat plums makes him moan and whimper. But why just graze…when you can slap…and squeeze…and pinch.

By this point another scene had started in the alcove adjacent to our bedroom, and the cute couple who had crawled into a cage at the foot of the bed were sounding similar inspired. I guess sometimes a less controlled environment is just what a girl needs because I suddenly knew that I was not going to be satisfied with a little one-sided CBT. I moved aside and patted the bed by way of instructions. He jumped up and lay out beside me, his cock throbbing hard and straining against the rope, was too much of an invitation to be denied. I quickly straddled him, hearing the familiar whimper as my cunt pressed his cock painfully between our bodies. Again, not so inclined to flash myself to the room I tried to satisfy myself with my panties on, but needed the feel of his taunt skin against mine. I rolled over and slipped them off and then rolled back into place on top of him and placed the discard garment onto his face so that the sweetly scented crotch was over his nose and mouth. I start by hovering a little distant of him and pull his cock up against me, letting him enjoy the feel of my skin too, a brief sensual reprieve. When I feel him relax and try and grind against me, I shift my grip on him from strong fingers to sharp finger tips, edging each dagger like fingernail into the gland of his cock. I hold him like this, with pinpoints of pain against my clit, nestle the length of him up my labia, and slowly lower myself down to press his bound balls under my weight. I grind myself against him like this getting off on the sound and knowledge of his suffering just as much as the feel of him against me.

The scene in the alcove has drawn a crowd, while our scene is mostly hidden by the drapes around the bed, but the generalized party noises were proving distracting. There was a place I need to get to, a place that I probably would have been okay waiting to reach if I hadn’t taken off my panties, if I hadn’t ground him against my clit, but at that point I was far too worked up to stop…unfulfilled.

Luckily, while the last couple of years has offered up plenty of things I did not want, when it comes to sex, a few new interesting developments have presented themselves with growing frequency and determination. One of those things is that I have become able to have orgasms just from consensual sadism. While this super power has manifested from time to time in the more distant past, like most superhero origins stories, I’m now learning how to use my new powers (for good, of course) more intentionally.

So use them I did.

Granted with this particular playmate, due to his place in our poly dynamic, it gets to be skin on skin sadism which is even better. So grinding with increasing vigorousness, I masturbated myself with his painfully bound dick and balls, which made him cry out with increasing frequency and volume. When I felt the pressure inside me building to that precious pivotal point, I pulled my panties from his face and locked my lips onto his so that when I drew that final exclamation from his throat thru the pressure of my cunt and the pinpoints of my claws, he screamed his agony into my mouth. Which was the last little bit I needed, despite all the distractions, to achieve my last orgasm of 2017.

My poor, much abused, man had to wait for his happy till we got back home, but rest assured, he did get his first nut of the New Year before the night was over AND we both got a great start to our New Year’s resolutions the very next morning after brunch with some slippery, steamy shower sex…but that’s a story for anther time…

For now…to all my friends, new, old, and not yet met, I wish you an equally well intentioned New Year.

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Dec 272017

Hey there Pervs.

So you may have noticed if you’re visiting after an absence, I’ve made some changes to my website this holiday season.

Festive first! I’m now, after too much demand to be denied, offering Distance Domination for all you naughty boys and girls that can’t make it to Seattle to see me. This is sure to please many who’ve had a visit with me on their bucket list for awhile. And though I can’t promise that a phone, or Skype, chat is going to be as fun as being in my gloriously wicked presence, feeling my greedy hands all over your bod…its still sure to be a damn good time and far from a sad compromise for those unable to make it into my literal, and figurative, clutches.

Hopefully this will also be a nice option for folks I’ve seen before, who have cursed their inability to get back to see me again due to busy schedules and/or uncooperative business trip itineraries. You should plan a call so we can get all…caught up.

Right now I’m just offering full hour phone/Skype sessions for $150, but am considering signing up for Niteflirt to expose my awesomeness to even more little bitches and offer shorter talk time options. I’ll post links here when I’m all set up on said site. In the interim, you can email me like you are inquiring regarding any other type of session, with a date/time in mind, and I’ll reply with further instructions.

I’m also now, very selectively, offering outcall which will likely mostly please other introverted home bodies like myself. This is acknowledging that yes, Seattle traffic SUCKS, and I’m usually in a more fit state for enduring it than my playmates after I’ve finished with them. Expect to see a “travel fee” depending on the distance and/or time of day I’ll be traveling. But I know I’m certainly happy to pay a little more if it means not having to put on pants to procure something I want.

Neutral news, but still news, I’ve consolidated to one new email account over at Proton Mail. So if you have me saved to your address book please make note. Also, don’t be alarmed if you get an email, or email reply, from this new address. It’s still me…just me being a bit more paranoid. If you are unfamiliar with this email provider, I strongly recommend checking them out. Free accounts, unless your inboxes and emails get bulky, but the big selling point is that they’re encrypted and based in Switzerland. As you might have noticed, some changes have been happening on the national scale that should have most everyone feeling a little more cautious about how they interact on-line. Probably a place we all should have been from the get go…but its never to late to get serious about cyber security. I also recommend the free Signal app for encrypted texts and calls. You likely know a number of people already using it and you’ll find out once you sign up. All these precautions work best if both ends of a communication are encrypted. I’ve done my part, now its up to you.

One other change to how I communicate with my admirers, I’m going to be blogging more (no really!) and am even hatching some plans for podcasts and or a radio show. Blogging, well thats starting right now. What? This post may be mostly housecleaning, but it still counts…here…

penis penis penis penis penis penis

See, hot chick saying penis. That makes this post porny.

And I’m not wearing any underwear

Anyhoo, so more blogging will commence immediately while hearing my dulcet tones talking all manner of smack about sex ‘n stuff, for free and everything, ensues soonish.

Which will hopefully make up for the fact that I’ve locked down most of my Facebook account to “Friends Only” while also starting a purge of less known people from said list. And since Twitter seems like mostly a place for howler monkeys to throw poop at people (not my kink…but not judging others) I won’t be posting much there either. But feel free to book mark this page, or the version NOT on a Pro Domme’s website if, again, you’re concerned about who might be seeing your web browsing history. My blog is where the sexiest stuff will end up anyway. Sorry if you’ll be sad to miss out on my sultry sandwich photos and derpy animal memes. Actually, on second thought, I’ll probably still post those publicly.

Last bit of news is something that I’d managed to mostly avoid for the last 14 years, but as the title of the post declares, Times They Are A Changin’. Moving forward I’ll be requiring references and/or identity verification from all new potential, in-person, domination clients. I’ve managed to do without this step for as long as I have mostly because I have pretty good intuition about people and had put up just enough hurdles masked as instructions that I felt safe without additional info from prospective playmates. But the industry, and those who engage with it, have been changing for awhile. It is no longer any great ask for a provider to insist on knowing who you actually are before meeting, just as verifying people’s identity discreetly has become even simpler.

I shall be disappointed if this new protocol discourages nervous newbies from contacting me, I do so love breaking in virgins. But I feel I’ve been more than generous in the options for verification I’ve provided. And honestly, if you’re more nervous about me knowing your legal name than knowing what I’m capable of doing to your testicles…maybe your anxiety needs some realistic adjusting.

But this also means that I can communicate a bit more openly with folks in advance of their appointment about their specific interests, so its far from all bad news. Though discretion will still be the better part of valor when it comes to the length and graphicness of said communications. Especially since I now offer a few options for those who really want to get down and dirty communicating what they like, there’s really no excuse for multi page missives of elaborate scenes and role play scenarios. Wankers looking to waste my time, be well warned…

But for the rest of you, thanks of stopping by! I hope Santa stuffed your stocking just like you like and that the New Year brings you many things both naughty and nice. And if Santa was slacking and/or you want to hedge your bets for 2018…I’m still here…

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Aug 012016

Vacation. Just the word alone kinda makes your shoulders relax doesn’t it. For those of us who actually like our work, and are further privileged enough to live some place that is default pretty, the concept of leaving said sweet life for an extended period doesn’t always have the same appeal. For me the exception to this is Hawaii. I love my city and all the surrounding PNW beauty…but I also love swimming. And, well, the waters around here are notably nipplie. The stress and expense of travel (I really do NOT like flying) is a worthy sacrifice to spend some quality time in a less frigid part of the Pacific while frolicking among brightly color fishes.

So away I flew at the beginning of last month to a tropical isle to day drink, drive around looking at lava, commune with assorted sea life, tap into a bit of local culture and lore, and reset my personal comfort levels around public levels of scantily clad-ness and sun exposure. And despite my best intentions, and 6 sessions of pre-bake at a tanning salon, I did manage to burn my ass again. Twice. Including right before flying home. Absolute crying shame that I’m not a masochist as that was a seriously wasted sadistic scene.

This particular trip was with my family. Which means this trip was also totally lacking in sex. No kink. No prostate pillaging. No CBT. And despite their near constant exposure…no sweet sweet foot lovin.

You should feel sad for me. A poor neglected pervert…bereft of playmates…trapped on a tropical isle. I felt like Ginger on Gilligan’s Island, all that sexiness going to waste.

But then I came home. And my vacation did what vacations do for most people. It made my at home life all shiny and new again. And while my “job” is far from conventional, the common convention of a renewed vigor while on the clock has been complimentarily commented on by those lucky enough to book time with me since I’ve been back.

My renewed appetite is far from satisfied however, I still feel like theres a deficit that needs to be filled after that two week absence. So if you’re feeling daring, if you feel like playing with someone who will demand a bit more from you while giving back that and then some…now is a VERY good time to call…

I’m also going to be blogging more, as I’ve missed this too, so bookmark this page if you are so inclined. Seriously, I’m getting back into writing porn again so things won’t just be getting extra sexy in my Playspace but right here in cyberspace.

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Apr 202016

Wanna know where all the sexy people will be this weekend? We’ll be at the Seattle Center Exhibition Hall checking out all the sexy art and all the other sexy people!

“How do I get into “the scene”?” and/or “How do I meet/find other fun kinky people?” is a quandry that comes up for a lot of my clients. This right here is a wonderful, and uniquely accessible, place to get exposed to, and interact with, other pervs. It’s also a fairly low impact (pun intended) place to see some of the fun stuff we like to get up to. Volunteering is always the best way to meet new peeps, but attending has its own perks as you are unlikely to find Seattlites more flirty then at this annual event.

The evenings are where things get fun, and the self description of an art party is apt. Theres booze and DJs, and performances and PNW people actually dressed up…for the ballroom AND the bedroom. And all of it swirling around one of the most unapologetically sexual collections of art you are likely to find anywhere. And really…whats not to like about that???

Feel encouraged to pick up some of that amazing art while you’re there because not only are you sure to find at least one piece that…*ahem*…does something for you…but you’ll be helping out a great organization that does/has done a whole heck of a lot toward making sure this town is sex positive enough to even have an event like this.

The Festival

If you need further encouragement, or perhaps a little extra coddling, you can find descriptions of Erotic Art Fests past by searching for SEAF right here.

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Mar 312016


Took this photo during our last stretch of classic Seattle overcast. You know the type…where you just want to laz around the house and pull your sweetie closer. Not too cold to comfortably get naked…but not too warm to make you sweaty if you decide to put that naked to a purpose.

I appreciate the sunshine and what it does to peoples outlook on life…and libidos…but I will always appreciate how a rainy day encourages folks to get a little closer.

I’ve been feeling super sensuous lately so some of you might have noticed that I’ve added “featherlight touch” to my list of sensation play activities. It’s essentially petting. Not massage, which involves more pressure, this is about teasing and tantalizing you skin and all the lovely nerve endings therein…a type of touch that men’s bodies in particular are often sadly unfamiliar with or underexposed to. Additionally, its been my personal and professional experience that lighter touch, along with other types gentle physical intimacy like snuggling, hugging, and handholding, can be the hardest thing to find outside of (and sometimes even in) a committed romantic partnership.

I think this is why I’m starting to see people setting up shop as “professional cuddlers”, an adorable if some what questionable career choice. But can’t say it isn’t something the world could clearly use more of. As a species, touch is one of the simplest ways that we can be soothed as well as promoting a feeling of connection and groundedness. Also oxytocin, the hormone your body releases when you get pet, is seriously the BEST drug in the world. It will get you super high in the most beautifully relaxing way that also reduces cortisol levels(stress chemicals that do every thing from breaking down cells, to making you more likely to turn any food into fat), lowers blood pressure, and boosts your immune system. Tell me that doesn’t sound brilliant!

I for one start to get seriously twitchy when I’ve gone too long without touch, and that will kick in even before the twitchyness that happens when I’ve gone too long without sex (which is saying something since what I consider sex is a dissertation in and of itself). It’s not dissimilar to the need for food and water. If you have enough water…you can go without food for considerably longer…the opposite…not so much.

While this has always been a big part of my play, as I love touching, caressing, and groping, my playmates, (and then there’s the whole hand fetish thang) I’ve come to recognize that this type sensation play can be fairly fulfilling in of itself. Granted it pairs well with lots of other games that still fall on the softer side of the spectrum. But if you’ve been craving a more gentle, sensual session and/or feeling sorely touch deprived…now would be a good time to call.

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Jan 082016

pop(2)They say what you do on New Years is what you’ll be doing all year. Its why there’s all the smooching. This year I decided to hedge my bets a bit more than that so I choose to make sure that both my midnight celebration as well as the few days before and after were chock full of things I’d happily spend a full year enjoying.

My celebrating began a couple of days before the holiday with a very sexy scene exclusively devoted to torturing (or “torturing”, depending on how you look at it) an exceedingly lucky and adventurous boy’s dick. I enjoy a wide spectrum of activities and my gig supplies me ample opportunity to explore most of them. But a few are considerably more infrequent. And actually the last few weeks have supplied some truly choice unusual entertainments. But I digress…said helpless victim had given me a heads up before our playdate since his interests were specific and more extreme. And was further able to convince me of his sincerity by providing a link to his Fetife profile so I could verify he wasn’t just talking smack and teasing a sadist with a promise of pain he couldn’t endure.

I frequently feel the need to point out to non masochist, as well as the lucky folks who do have this identity, that true masochism is more rare than most people think. Most pervs enjoy playing around with the happy wiggle room that occurs during arousal, while others get a boost in their pain threshold by getting off on knowing their partner is getting off. Actual masochists have the intrinsic ability to move pain into pleasure. But as with most gifts, more can be achieved through exercising said skill set. This particular boy had been working on his kink for awhile but we were both pleased to be able to take things to even greater heights then previously reached.

Twenty Six needles and a couple of urethral sounds later and his dick was a bloody, pillaged mess. And the photos he requested came out great. It was a fun day.

The next night I was having dinner with a dear old friend and told her about the scene and it turns out she’d just done an awesome dick piercing scene the day before too. So we both pulled out our phones to show off our handiwork. Clearly I hang with the right type of people.

If you’re curious about the photos, and don’t have a weak stomach, you can see some of the images yourself on my Fetlife profile under Ms_Katherine. It’s a free members only site, but signing up is easy and very worthwhile.

The next night I was having dinner with a dear old friend and told her about the scene and it turns out she’d just done an awesome dick piercing scene the day before too. So we both pulled out our phones to show of our handiwork. Clearly I hang with the right type of people.

The 31st found me at a house party full of pretty, friendly people with my primary partner. Attendees were a fair representative sample of the sex-positive, poly, kink, tantra, and Burningman communities and all the inescapable overlap that you find in those scenes in Seattle. I’ve attended some lovely gatherings there previously and they’ve typically been friskier, but this time things were more family friendly…so people didn’t start taking their tops of until after the clock struck twelve. It was an perfect outing in that I smooched my man at midnight, got face time with a few friends and even managed a bit of flirting with a charming woman that could lead to potential shenanigans in the future. Too soon to tell but it was a welcome, if unexpected, intrigue.

Maybe it was that unexpected ego stroke that contributed to what happened when my man and I got back to my place…maybe it was just my general randiness and a sensitivity to the afore mentioned superstition of the evening but 2am and tipsiness was not enough to keep me from tormenting the beejebus out of my man’s cock and balls before marching him into the bathroom, straddling his chest in the bathtub, and pulling his greedy slut face into my cunt by his hair to flood his mouth with a gushing torrent of my vodka fueled piss. Then I shoved my butt in his face and made him come while I used the shower massager on his ass.

The next morning we had french toast and bacon. So its already a very happy New Year as far as I’m concerned.

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Sep 132013

How often do you masturbate?

Seems like a simple enough question for a sexually mature adult to answer. But I wouldn’t be shocked to know that many of you reading that experienced a moment of embarrassment, however brief, just as I know that the first thought some of you had reading that question was a number, possibly followed by some sexy visuals. What ever your response, you’d be justified in it. While masturbating is one of the most natural and prolific sexual experiences we get to enjoy, it is still loaded with the most shame, awkwardness and judgement by society. Concerns over getting caught, being viewed as creepy/slutty, being told that those sensations should be saved for sex with a partner (ideally a committed monogamous one), is all the verbally reinforced packaging for a great big “gift” of sex negativity. And they’re just some of the excuses people will use, along with lack of time, opportunity, or physical capacity, to keep their hands off themselves.

Well I’m here to tell ya, in case you are one of the folks who hasn’t figured this out yet, that its all BULLSHIT!

Got kids, worried about them seeing mommy or daddy wanking…if they’re little ‘uns, you’ll probably need to wait till they pass out or nap, then a chair under the door does the trick. Old enough for the personal space/privacy talk – put a lock on the bathroom door. Seriously, this won’t just be useful for you, it will be useful for them when they want a guaranteed privacy place to wank as well. And if they’re in their teens or older if they still haven’t learned the lesson to knock AND wait for permission to enter, catching a parent naked or “indisposed” will make sure they move forward into adulthood with at least that one basic skill firmly set in stone.

Worried about being seen as a wanker or nympho. Don’t…just don’t. While it is possible to overdo anything, I promise you that masturbating, even multiple times a day, does not mean there is anything wrong with you. If you’re diddling yourself so much that you aren’t able to take care of your other responsibilities or you start making high risk choices like masturbating in public places where non-consenting folks might see you, then by all means check yourself before you wreck yourself. But anyone who is gonna be weirded out by your regularly taking care a business, well they ultimately just did you a favor. I always prefer when folks let me know up front just how very hung up they are about sex…helps to make sure I NEVER end up in a naked games situation with them.

And as for that “save it for your partner” shenanigans, disqualifying any crazy religious propaganda around purity (because of the dumb), you’re actually doing your partner a great service by wanking it. Being an adult and acknowledging that perfect libido pairing through-out a partnership is just as much a fairy tale as Cinderella. Even the most compatible of couples will hit those dry times of conflicting schedules, hormones, and health. Masturbation is what helps us stick with each other even when we don’t have time to get sticky on each other. Cause when we do handle things ourselves not only are we more relaxed, less stressed, well-rested we’re also not walking around with a big groin based time bomb of resentment and sexual need that doesn’t necessarily connect to intimacy.

I almost always ask my clients how often they masturbate. It is the perfect pop quiz to test how their sexual health is doing. And while a follow up question of how often they are having partnered sex, is also useful, its not nearly as telling. Frequency in both categories, or either really, is usually good news. But far too often people report that not only are they not getting laid, they’re not fucking themselves either. I don’t think that’s a coincidence and that lack of self love is a major contributor to the sad predictable decline of not just sex, but any physical intimacy, in long term relationships.

There seems to be this myth that love, sex, friendship, are all some sort of precious, limited resources. But as someone who can claim a bushel full of all of those I can bear witness to the fact that they are all very renewable. And in the case of sex, I’d like to offer a recent personal experiment to plead my case…

Coming home from a very socially stimulating, and somewhat stressful, wedding weekend (no, not my own) I found myself feeling even hornier than usual. Possibly fueled by the accomplishment of a task that I’d been intimated by (I officiated the ceremony) or the immense amount of awesome non-sexual physical contact to be found at a large gathering of touchy feely friends. What ever got the ball rolling, upon returning home, in the interest of science (Science, I say!!!) I decided to see what would happen if I amped things up, instead of just waiting for an already planned date with my primary partner the following night to scratch that itch.

So I downloaded a bunch of pornographic images from the internet, made a file out of them, and set them as the screen saver on my computer on a 5 second slideshow format.

I spend a lot of time on my computer.

No really, a lot.

Just the process of finding all the images, given that I have very specific taste in porn…okay, I know you’re wondering so here’s an example…


My day to day is what most people wank thinking about. When that’s your default reality, it ups the ante on what you need for fantasy fodder.

Anyhoo, just finding all that porn was enough to inspire an all night wank-a-thon. But it didn’t stop there. I woke up the next morning and buzzed myself off again. Sitting at the computer, watching all those sexy images inspired me to send an inappropriate-work-boner, inducing text to my date, which led to more sexting. Which led to another wank. Far from depleting my sexual stock it just meant I was that much more ready to go when he got here since I’d essentially been fluffing myself for 24hours. But there was no sense of, “Aw yeah now for the “real” stuff”. All that wanking had been just as fulfilling, it was simply another side to my sexuality, the sexuality I have with myself. And when he was here I wasn’t thinking about molesty amphibian monsters, I was thinking about him, his lovely body, his sexual needs and our shared sexual experience. All of that so much easier to do since I wasn’t a big ball of pent up, with too much of an orgasmic backlog to prioritize anything more than my own pleasure.

And the week continued…as did the wanking. In addition to making the partnered sex and playtime that I had that much more intense, inspired and generally awesome it’s had other great side effects. I’ve been sleeping really well, I’ve been more inspired to work-out (and admittedly do yoga as the bod got a bit cranky after the first couple days of increased activity), eat healthier, and everything has just felt more dealable.

After about a week, the constant back drop of porn, as lovely as it is, stopped being quite as distracting. I’ve mostly returned to my daily dose of diddle. And my libido seems to have stabilized again. It is no longer ready to sex all of Seattle, just a few select specimens. But my little test served its purpose. Its always nice to know that with a bit of extra attention and energy, voraciousness lies within. And to remind myself of the interconnectedness of physical and mental health with sexual happiness, the power over which, is always in my hands.

I’m so not done with this topic, as this is a subject I feel very strongly about and I have much more to say regarding it. But I’m gonna sign off on it for tonight.

I will say that I sincerely hope it has inspired you to experiment with the limits of your own libido.

For to quote Mae West…”Too much of a good thing…can be wonderful.”


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