Dec 072010

“Dear Mistress

i had e-mailed you along time ago and you said that if i had questions i could ask i’m not sure if that is still ok. i was wondering what this feminization process is.what one has to do is it like wearing a corset,dressing up as a woman,strap-on,i’m confused on what i read on the internet.

Thank You for your time”

My very restrained, polite and proper reply:

I know that the internet can be confusing in what it has to say about kink but for legal reasons, as well as professional preference, I don’t choose to discuss activities outside of appointments. But I have had some things to say about this activity during a recent podcast which you can find here:

I start talking about feminization at around the 13min mark.

If you’re still feeling very nervous I do offer Just Talk sessions(info can be found on the FAQ page of my website) if you’d like to discuss your interests without the pressure of turning word into action same day.

M Katherine

The internet and is breadth(though often strangely one-sided focus) with regard to kinky activities can be very confusing to someone searching it for answers for the very first time. I do think that most folks who’ve invested at least a couple of hours should have a bit more of a grasp of what an activity like feminization is about then this writer has demonstrated. But he did mention his age, which I’ve redacted for privacy, and lets just say its of a generation not generally known for its web surfing skills.

Of course he did mention that he’s emailed me before. AND this email has more then a slight smell of a fishing expedition, where by a time wasting wanker will try and get a lady such as myself to invest much time and energy spelling out in detail, for their future(or current if its done over the phone) masturbatory pleasure, all the wonderful kinky things I would/could do to them..but never will because THEY ARE JUST A TIME WASTING WANKER with no intention of ever actually seeing me.

Credit it to the holiday spirit but I decided erring on the side of optimism and generosity was the lesser evil in this case. He gets the basic, consistent party line. There’s plenty of free wank worthy material on my website as it stands. And if he’d like something more personally tailored, but isn’t quite ready to strap on a pair and fully put himself in my clutches he’s welcome to book a chat.

Bonus stocking stuffer was the podcast link which I’ve now finally gotten around to posting here for anyone who might be stalking this blog but is still Facebook phobic.

There are two parts to the insanely fun and fabulous podcast that I did with the amazing and sexy Dr Dick(greatest sex educator name EVAR), below is the first part. We chat about my upbringing, why I like kink so much, a few of the kinky things that I like to do with people, I ramble on a bit about my spirituality and how trees turn me on, I get more then a bit ornery defending the often libeled rights and general awesomeness of my clients and at one point I even have an unexpectedly intimate moment with his dog. They’re both worth a listen, but of course I would think that wouldn’t I…

And while you’re there check out the rest of his site! It’s especially nice for boys who like boys(or think they might) as well as us girls who find all that boy on boy sexuality intriguing, but very much a great resource for anyone who likes sex.

Speaking of holiday cheer, I’ll dropping by The Cuff again this Friday, this time to get my picture taken with Santa at the Seattle Men in Leather fundraiser.

Also got a jam packed Sunday which includes some quality hang time at the always entertaining Fem Domme Tea at the CSPC:

Followed by putting in a supportive appearance at the lovely Princess Andie’s Gallery show and fundraiser. Love her stuff SOOOO much – this is one of my favs(that would make a great Xmas gift *hint*hint*hint*)

Then home for a power nap and some hard core primping before strutting my stuff at Strict Machine’s one year anniversary.

Fight the Seattle seasonal urge to hibernate and come join in the fun!

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Dec 032010

Some folks whose opinions I value greatly have been pressing me to go back to school. I’m not sure if a letter like this is an encouragement or a deterrent towards said goal:


I am a Sociology graduate student at Big Institution that Costs A Lot Of Money. I’m currently working on my thesis paper on Alternative Sexuality and am hoping that you might allow me to interview you and fill out an anonymous survey. Additionally, if you and one of your clients feel comfortable, I would value the opportunity to observe a session. My presence and, any information gained, would be strictly confidntial, of course.

My thesis looks at non-mainstream forms of sexuality, specifically BD/SM and fetishes. I reject the norm of classifying these activities as “devious”, and instead would like to investgate their prevelance in society. I would love to talk with you, a professinal Dominatrix, about the range of your clientle, the activities they’re involved in and societal response to your profession. My goal is to open the dialogue about alternative sexuality and question it’s “devious” classification.

Any information that you share with me will be strictly anonymous. It would help me greatly and I hope that you’ll consider it. My schedule is fairly free in the afternoons next week.

Thank you so much. I look forward to hearing from you.

Clueless Co-ed
Department of Should Be Teaching Their Students Better
Big Institution that Costs A Lot of Money

Putting on my glasses and sweater set, I reply:

Hello Casey.

First up, I’m pretty sure the word you are looking for is deviant, not devious. And it doesn’t need to be in quotes given the nature of your email and your stated side on the issue. Also its BDSM, which stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. The last is a rookie mistake since the proper definition for the acronym can even be found on Wikipedia. I would hope that you’ve at least made a dent in the considerable collection of published works on this topic before moving on to interviews. Not taking that step, not even knowing the basics of our language, is as disrespectful as traveling to a foreign country without even bothering to learn hello or thank you.

Secondly, most people pursue a field of study they either have a vested personal interest in, or issues with. If your mission is just to help us poor misunderstood kinksters…your energies might be better served pursuing a field of study you already know something about. There are many individuals, like myself, who are on the front lines of the Sex Positive Movement, and while we can always use more foot soldiers, no one likes to feel like they’re being used purely as a science experiment.

Lastly, I would no sooner invite you, an unknown grad student, into one of my sessions then any other therapist would be inclined to invite you into one of their sessions. Client confidentially holds just as true for my profession as any of the other healing arts. Which leads to the larger question of why you have contacted a professional dominant instead of contacting a member of our local kink community not advertising thier services on the internet. For a city that can boast the Center For Sex Positive Culture, The Foundation for Sex Positive Culture, numerous open to the public munches and workshops every week, and local networking sites with groups and event listings based on region…why contact someone who has already advertised that she puts a monetary value on her time when there are numerous other options and individuals for whom outreach and education is a key focus?

The kink community is very protective of itself, and it has every right to be so given the judgments that some of society still cast upon it…but that is nothing compared to the level of closure you will find from sex workers. The kink community, again, does have outreach in place for individuals such as yourself as well as for folks whose interest is not academic but of a personal nature. The organizations I mentioned in the previous paragraph should get you started. But I strongly advise you to look for your information outside of the sex industry. Until this nation’s laws reflect its desires, recognize that the women and men who do this work have much more to lose by talking to individuals such as yourself. And, no, a promise of anonymity is not an assurance of safety coming from an unknown grad student looking for one on one interviews.

Since you’ve contacted me under the heading of academic inquiry I hope you’ll view the nature and content of my response as an educational experience.

M Katherine

So, the last letter I posted got some wonderful comments on Facebook(since I linked to it) but the overriding theme seemed to be that I wasn’t as mean as I could/should have been. Well, for starters on that last one, that would have been giving said jack-ass free thrills. Secondly, bitchiness is like salt…you can always add more but you can’t take it away once you’ve added it. No need to foster a rep as an unrepentant cunt. I prefer to save that for role-play among special friends. It’s also called feeding the trolls.

But thanks for commenting all the same gang. Always love knowing I’ve added a bit of humor to your day.

I point this out since some of you might have the same thoughts on this one. Yes, there were a few more grammar/spelling issues I didn’t call them on. And opening the letter with Mistress(should I have responded by calling them slave?) and the general feeling of a form letter ads a bit more insult to an already heady brew of disrespect, clueless and entitlement. And though it probably isn’t the case, I did have the thought that this could just be an overly elaborate ruse by some would-be pro domme to learn/see how its done. Or as I loosely alluded to in my reply…they could be law enforcement.

But even though I get emails like this fairly often, I still choose to believe that most folks aren’t willfully stupid…just a bit empathy deficient. Sure, if they’d done their research more thoroughly before contacting me, their approach might not have been so epic fail. But that they clearly didn’t take the two second step of thinking how their email might be received by someone like myself, is what won them a stern lecture instead of the educational opportunity they’d hoped for.

And if you don’t tell them what they’ve done wrong, in a way that they can hear, they’ll never learn.

But honestly, when I play teacher, I prefer to do so in the playroom. So, who forgot to do their homework AND got caught masturbating in the library? Go ahead and bend over the desk while I oil up my cane…

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