The WERK Lounge that is…

Planning on attending this sexy and mellow night at the Center tomorrow. I caught the last one and really enjoyed the way they set up the space and the over-all laid back ambience of the event. There was still plenty of play going on, though unlike every other play night at the CSPC, the social is given priority over the play. But instead of being rowdier for all the conversation its was actually quieter. The attendance is less(or at least it was last time) then the Saturday Pan-sexual play parties or the Grind, the big dance night on Thursday. And that’s just fine by me. I think the set up, curtaining off a number of smaller more private play areas, helps reduce the noise factor considerably.

I’m also not much interested in big, showy, performance based play so I enjoyed the intimate vibe of the scenes I saw last time. I’m more inclined to play myself….which is something I plan to do tomorrow. I’ve been invited to give a bit of a domme-ing tutorial to a very cute couple in their twenties.

Since I’ve been more active at the Center lately I’ve been meeting a lot of new people. I find it amusing that equal only to the amount of male “hey, hot stuff” energy directed my way has been women, young and old, interested in, well, learning from me. Specifically in how to get in touch with their Domme side.

???

I credit this to my being approachable just as much to my appearing to know what I’m doing. But I have mixed feeling about being cast in this type of role, since I feel that in the vast majority of cases, its simply a matter of affirming what others already know to be true about themselves.

For example the Tuesday after V-day my pal Hotsauce had asked me to cover spanking and paddling for the two hour tasting portion of the youth group meeting(18-35 set). Of course I was happy to help out, and honored the request by bringing a full arsenal of percussive toys, printing up some informative and funny hand-outs outlining where to hit, and only JOKING about using my position to molest hot 20 somethings while they were in vunerable positions. I had a good time, meet yet more fun folks, hopefully helped some people be better at smacking each other around and/or recognizing how much they like being spanked.

But showing someone how to DO something is different then instructing someone in how to BE something, though admittedly there is a bit of cross-over. I can show someone how to spank their partner in way that doesn’t leave marks and insures they both have a good time no matter how many times the blows fall. But trying to teach a woman how to be more dominant? It’s not that I ascribe to the school of thought that you either have it or you don’t. I believe we all have the potential inside of us, its simply a matter of testing it out and seeing how much using that muscle feels good to you. For some its a role that may never feel natural or enjoyable, but in a controlled and consensual setting, its not something that should ever be ruled out.

And just as submissiveness in the bedroom can help folks work on being comfortable with emotional vulnerability and trust outside of it too, being dominant in the bedroom can help folks be more confident in their day-to-day. I’d certainly enjoy seeing more women be better at everything from taking a freakin compliment to standing up for themselves when they get passed over for a promotion to being willing to fight for the type of love they deserve….

So maybe I need to be better at acknowledging that I do have something to offer these women…even its just a mirror that lets them see how bad-ass they really are.

How else are we going to take over the world after all?

Okay here is the mush I didn’t post yesterday. The following is a question from a new acquaintance followed by my response. I changed one detail from her email to avoid outing her. Besides which her question is one that I get fairly often from people so she shouldn’t take the hit for it:

“I don’t know you that well, but obviously you are a highly intelligent and reasonable woman who has done a significant amount of work as a pro dom, and I wanted to ask your opinion on, well, my opinion. 🙂

I’m going to summarize something I wrote in a recently: While I greatly respect sex workers, and I think that prostitution should be legal (not that you are or ever have been a prostitute), and that the stigma against sex workers and their clients is bullshit, I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to pay for sex or domination. My feeling is that, yes, she may be enjoying the activities on some level, but the fact of the matter is that if she weren’t being paid, she probably wouldn’t be there. That’s certainly not my kink.

Since I am somewhat ignorant about how the pro dom industry works, I’m wondering if you think I am missing something here. Thanks in advance.”

Hey Lady,

I’ve got to dash here soon to get ready for the Paddles event. But I wanted to address your question.

First, if you’d have doubts about someone wanting to play with you just ‘cus instead of because you are paying them…you probably shouldn’t see a professional. Keep in mind though that we all pay, one way or another. Sometimes we pay by switching, or by offering mutual sexual interaction, or with love, or friendship, or commitment and all the little gifts and gestures that go along with that, or even just dinner and drinks. Most relationships, sexual or platonic, are based on a barter system. It just doesn’t get as much media attention as what I do.

Secondly, as to what’s going on in the mind of a sex worker(and yes I use that term to define myself even though my girly bits are never involved in my play), I can only speak for me as each one is different. But I do know a number of women in many branches of the industry that feel similar to myself.

I love what I do. I love my clients. Doing what I do allows me to access a segment of the kink community that do to their relationships, career, and/or life choices makes it impossible or impractical for them to interact with others in our community. Should they be forced to go without? Should they simply suffer in silence, stuck within the walls of the vanilla world they have built between them and a part of their sexuality? Think about the folks who finally find places like the Center for Sex Positive Culture and get to meet and know the support of others in their community. Think how meaningful that is for them.

I am able to take the place of that step for those who can’t do so more publicly. I represent that community, provide them support, counsel, education, empathy and then I let them play.

I charge for my work just like the Center charges for membership, admittance and workshop fees. Those fees makes sure the doors stay open, the insurance gets paid, that a staff is organized, equipment is provided and maintained, presenters are compensated. Yes, I charge more, but though I face similar expenses, I am only one person. I am also here to cater specifically to their individual needs and schedules which can not be said of the Center or most of its members and volunteers.

Ultimately I do this because I love kink so much the idea of someone who is as kinky as me having to live their life without it makes my heart ache. I fully believe this is the work I am called to do. So yes, I am there because I want to be. Getting paid just means that I am able to be there when I am needed.

Hope this helps.

I planned to do up a post today about the fabulous Fem Domme Tea I attended last Sunday, but alas, this bit of local political douchery has stolen my focus and burned up all my happy thoughts.

This issue was brought to my attention on SLOG yesterday and I’m fairly disturbed that it hasn’t gotten more chatter since, so I felt the need to try and stir some up.

Representative Mark Miloscia has put forward a Bill(2103) that would add an 18.5% tax(and that’s plus all other existing sales taxes) to “adult entertainment materials and services”. He and his close-minded cronies are looking to add an amendment to existing legislation mostly related to selling and renting cars.

You can read the entire legislation here and I strongly encourage you to do so. The changes are conveniently underlined:

http://apps.leg.wa.gov/documents/billdocs/2009-10/Pdf/Bills/House%20Bills/2103.pdf

There is so much about this which is offensive I hardly know where to begin. As appealing as it is to soap box regarding how many women require battery-operated sex-related objects to get off or that it might mean the demise of beloved local institutions like Babeland, Wild at Heart and the Crypt or even that, as written, this tax could affect safe sex tools like condoms, dams and lube.

But I think my biggest issue, and what is also easiest to attack, is the argument they use to justify the tax:

“The legislature finds that the sale and use of adult entertainment materials and services result in increased costs to the state through the provision of increased governmental services, including human services and criminal justice services. It is the legislature’s intention that the activities that result in these increased services bear more of the costs of these services. The legislature intends to dedicate the revenues from a tax on the sale and use of adult entertainment materials and services to crime victims’ compensation, with an emphasis towards providing services, support, or therapy to those children who are victims of sexual abuse.”

Its the old porn = violence argument. The tired old chestnut of sex-negative conservative thought no matter HOW MANY times it is disproved.

Please take the time to share this news with your other porn, toy and sex loving pals. And I encourage you to call or email the backers of this bill and tell them, since they clearly don’t believe in butt plugs, they can shove this legislation up their ass…

feel free to use your own words, of course.

You can find the phone numbers, and direct links to email, the bill sponsors on the same site as the bill link.

And here’s the original SLOG post:
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2009/02/10/the_taxman_cometh

****UPDATE**** There’s an article over at the Seattle Times that focuses almost entirely on the effect this bill would have on strip clubs and Playboy magazine with NO mention of the affect on toys and sex aides. Even with the Times bias its still pretty clear that the backers are seeing this legislation as some sort of sin tax, with a clear moral agenda to force “adult industries and products” out of our state. Lawyers with a clear first amendment case are already gearing up. Which begs the question, how many freakin times does this state have to bear the expense of a court case when they know going in they will lose.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2008731079_porntax11m0.html

This has been quite the mammary laden weekend. No complaints but it is kinda funny just how girl centric my world has been since Friday. And the fun continues today!

Friday was a much anticipated date with a total hottie and universal bad-ass in the kink/sex-positive community. I’ve been after some one-on-one time with this particular very popular bird for over a year now. Alas, both of us are very busy girls. But we finally found ourselves across a table from each other and then later cosying up on my couch. Many amazing personal stories were shared as well as interests…and a plan has been hatched to play together in the very near future.

I’m trying to take things a little slower given the suddenly more close-knit nature of my stomping grounds. I abhor drama and am willing to post-pone bliss if it helps avoid unnecessary stress on the folks in my world. This particular playmate is as likely to create relationship drama as Mother Teresa but it never hurts to work on ones dating skills. Still, I’m pretty squirmy in my seat to get my hands(and mouth…and teeth…and toys) on her again.

Last night was much more mellow. A simple night in with a couple of gal pals. One of whom was not so *heart* ovaries and I was a bit hung-over from the previous night so we were far from the boisterous babes we usually are when we’re all in the same room together. But their company, a simple pot-luck meal and a weird italian horror movie was exactly what I was in the mood for.

Today is the next Fem Domme Tea at the CSPC(see blog post a couple ones back). I’m not sure how many of the ladies from my own crew will be there this time. But as I posted after the last tea, my one regret was that I didn’t get a chance to chat up ALL of the amazing women present. So being posse free won’t dilute my fun and might help me remedy that complaint.

It will be very interesting to see how things play out this time around. The event is still in its infancy and I know of at least a couple of concerns/critiques people have had so far. First that, honoring the servant nature of the males present, it was hard for some to discover the play interests of our submissives. I think most of the ladies, myself included, liked the idea of getting some play in but not all the boys there were necessarily masochistic. The same can be said for more overtly sexual activity. It’d be nice to have the info readily available, possibly posted somewhere in the space.

I think the above is a relatively minor thing, the other complaint I heard might shift the energy considerably. The woman in charge is clearly of the female top/male bottom mentality, as her website clearly shows:

http://www.she-makes-the-rules.com/

But some of us ladies like to play with girls too. So far the event announcements have only been a call to arms for dominant women and submissive men. When asked, the organizer had replied that female submissives were welcome to join the fun, but they would need to be aware of, and comfortable with, working along side mostly males, who’ll be mostly nakid.

It will be interesting to see if we have any female servers this time and if it changes the energy and dynamic of the event in any un-forseen ways. Will the girls get preferential treatment. Will the boys feel threatened, get competitive, or try to play protector? There seemed to be the beginnings of the “common bond” thing among the men. Will having a nakid girl in their midst destroy that?

What ever happens, I promise a full report upon my return. And if you just can’t wait that long…it might not be too late to join the fun yourself…

*Artwork from the incredibly sexy/twisted mind of Michael Manning which can be found here:
http://www.thespidergarden.net/
and here:
http://www.obsessionart.com/find.asp?manufacturer_id=Michael_Manning