No, I’m not going to rant on Christmas. Yes there is plenty to criticize, but for what ever reason this year has found me much more in the holiday spirit then usual. Despite that I do seem to have my stocking in a bit of a twist at the moment.
Today’s rant, though this is by no means a new annoyance, has to do with truth in advertising. As a usually happy employee of the sex industry, with a certain amount of tenure, I know better then most that my fellow workers are inclined to fib from time to time. Little white lies, that drop a few years or inches or perhaps climb the alphabet by a letter. Not honest but as long as they’ve got an accurate picture in their ads it all comes down to Caveat emptor. Do your research, be realistic and/or check the review boards.
But not too surprisingly, given our nature, this type fibbing isn’t as standard in my branch of the industry. Unfortunately, there is a different type of lie that’s all too common among the Pro Domme set. It has to do with experience.
I feel that I have always been a kinky little bitch. I have always had dominant tendencies but I’m proud to say that I started out pretty shy. Though even at my most timid, among my friends, I was always the ringleader and by high school I was taking more active leadership roles. And then there were the boys. As a young girl I was very fond of bossing them around. I liked to set tasks for them and would offer kisses as a reward. And when I became more sexually mature, though still a virgin, I had a habit of punching overly amorous or inappropriately attentive young-men. By graduation I had already figured out that when it came to courting, I was most comfortable taking the lead.
But despite that self knowledge it was many more years before bondage or spanking, or mutually agreed upon power play, became a part of my bedroom games. So though I do think my kinky nature was something that I was born with, I didn’t start consciously using that muscle in a sexual way until I was in my mid-twenties, also known as the early 90’s. Do the math if you must.
I took things to the next level and began playing professionally in 2004. I have been a Professional Dominant for over 3 and a half years.
I don’t think the above level of experience is anything to sniff at. And as I am very happy with my life as it stands I have no regrets about my time table. But at the same time I’m the first to acknowledge that not only are there plenty of women out there with more experience than me, but that I am by no means done learning. I hope never to be so deluded that I think I know all there is to learn about BDSM or that I am ever done discovering what turns me on within that wonderful world.
I only wish that others felt the same way and had as much respect for their own path. There are a few women locally that have been guilty of the type of fib that urkes me. Some of them have only recently arrived “on the market” but advertise as if they’ve been here for years. There are a couple of women that I know for a fact started pretty much the same time I did, or after, but claim to have been at it for longer.
I also think it is dishonest to say one has X amount of experience but not delineate between professional and not. The reason I said earlier that going pro is taking things to the next level is because in many ways it is. It’s not a level that every kinky person is honestly destined to experience and/or enjoy but for some of us it is a logical next step.
I like analogies so here’s one that will hopefully help clarify my point without pissing off too many folks:
Say someone likes to cook. More then that, let’s say they love to cook and they rock in the kitchen. Despite that, most foodies are fine pulling out all the stops every once in awhile to impress their nearest and dearest. Fewer folks might take things a step further and host regular elaborate dinner parties. All still pretty normal, many of us know folks like this and always feel very lucky to be invited to dine with them.
How many personal chefs do you know? How many chefs who work in restaurants? Not as common and ya know why? Because not every foodie enjoys what they do so very much that they’re willing to make a career out of it. Going pro means that you have little or less say about who you are feeding. It means working with volume, and even with a menu, its less about what you want to make and more about what they want to eat. But if you truly love what you do, of course you’d want to share it with as many people as possible and you’d enjoy the challenge of satisfying different tastes and appetites.
Saying you’ve been cooking for years is not the same as having worked as a cook for years.
There are so many things you just won’t learn until you’ve done something professionally for awhile. Some of us are fast learners, having a few more years general life experience helps, but that’s still no replacement for actual time spent doing.
And like any other industry you will also see a certain amount of burn-out. But some of us are here for the long haul. It isn’t just because this is the work we feel called to do. It’s because we have enough respect for ourselves, as well as the people we play with, to be honest.
FYI: The comic book image that I started this rant with is fabulous. If you like age role-play, lesbian role-play, and/or cross-dressing within those types roles check it out! This book would also make an excellent addition to my library(my copy seems to have walked off) if you’re looking for some holiday gift ideas.