I got an email yesterday that’s been bouncing around in my head ever since. Funny thing is that the subject wasn’t that unusual. The request might have been a bit different, but the underlying sentiment was not.
It was from a woman, I’m guessing young but I could be wrong. Actually since it was an email it could easily have been a guy. Anyhoo, she found my professional website, didn’t mention how, but she thought I was just great. She even acknowledges the fact that her email is inappropriate. But there it is none the less. She says she is new to the BDSM scene…blah blah blah…end of story is that she wants me to be her mentor.
Now I’ll be the first to say that I think my website kicks ass. Do in no small part to the magic of my Cancarian Brutha. It also involved a good deal of writing, and editing, on my part in an effort to effectively represent not just what I do but who I am. I made the choice to put that information out there on the world wide web and pretty much anyone, technically over the age of 18, has access. But one of the things I think I make clear is what the website is for. It is not an elaborate personal ad nor do I make any claims to be a life coach.
But after the initial annoyance that I usually experience when I get inappropriate emails, I was stuck trying to figure out why this particular email bugged me so much.
Truth is I love giving advice(I see you rolling your eyes). Seriously, I love being able to share my experience and perspective with folks that can benefit from said knowledge. I think its great when my friends come to me for suggestions on how to molest their partners, or to recommend some good Japanamation Porn. And it is one of the true pleasures of my day to day life that I’m able to console my clients that “No, they are not alone. In fact their interest in _____ is very common”. They might not hear about it often, but I sure do, and there is nothing odd or wrong about liking ______.
But my absolute favorite thing is that people who know me, and the people who come to play with me from my website, know they can talk about sexual things with me. And more important than any advice I can give on porn or prostate massage is that I won’t judge them for those secret (or not so secret) kinky things that turn them on.
But I am just one person. I am not the entire sex positive community of Seattle, far from it. As much as I enjoy playing naughty confessional with friends, both personal and professional, there is a certain amount of give and take in all those relationships.
I’ve never meet this woman. She only knows me through my website. Yet she feels its okay to ask me to be her educator, her therapist and her entrance into the BDSM scene. I think what sticks in my craw is not that I wouldn’t enjoy playing mentor to someone, but assuming that was the case, why would I choose someone who by way of her INTRODUCTION has shown herself to be disrespectful of my time and intellectually lazy.
If she found my website she should have been able to find others. A quick Yahoo search of “BDSM Seattle” turns up a couple of educational sites with links to the Wetspot and Babeland both of which are amazing resources as well as the perfect place to meet people, many of whom I’m sure would be happy to take a baby kinkster under their wing.
I’m hitting this girl with both barrels but she is just a recent example of the strange phenomenon created by the internet. The false sense of knowing someone because you’ve read something by them on-line. Yes, you can know what they think about things, what kind of things they like, maybe what they did last Friday. But that isn’t the same as actually having shared a meal, or a bottle of wine, or a road trip. They won’t be calling you at 3am because they just found out their Dad’s in the hospital. They’ll never ask you to pet/house/baby sit. You won’t be kissing them on New Years.
By all means we should enjoy what others have to say here in this artificial universe. But unless I know you well enough to ask you to pick up juice for me when I’m stuck home with the flu, don’t be asking me for favors. Real World individual attention requires Real World day to day investment.
And on that note I am happy to conclude my first post.