Oct 212011

Hello from MIA land. Been, clearly, forever since I last posted. Hoping to change that trend in the not to distant future. Part of my plan to re-energize my poor neglected blog is to move it to either Blogger or WordPress before the holidays. I miss blogging, but am more then frustrated with LJ these days and have admittedly become hopelessly hooked on FB.

For now here’s a bit of snarky for your Friday. This letter was likely in response to my post on one of our local provider review boards about prostate massage/play. In it I had made the offer to be a resource for folks who had questions/concerns about anal play as its an activity I love and have much experience with. The offer, which should have been clear to anyone but the criminally naive, was meant for MEN who are considering exploring this part of their sexuality. It was not meant as an offer to train my competition…

“Mistress Katherine:

I’m a Bondassage provider. I’m fairly new to the sensual domme world and looking for some direction with strap on play. I’ve done it a few times and I’m super clumsy! Do you offer lessons or something like that? If not, could you recommend someone who does?
Thank you.”

My reply:

Well, since you asked for my advice here it is…don’t offer something at the professional level until you can actually do it professionally. The last thing a man needs, after working up the courage to finally explore anal play, is a provider who doesn’t know what she’s doing. I’ve done more then my fair share of damage control and apologizing for other provider’s ineptitude in this area. And for every boy I bring back around to the idea of butt play after a bad experience there’s probably 5 guys who’ll never give it another go.

Just because our industry isn’t regulated doesn’t mean that we can’t aspire to certain professional standards.

Toys in Babeland regularly has workshops for strap-on play as well as other 101 topics. There’s also numerous books and videos on the topic. Once you’ve got some training and done your research, find a non-professional partner or two that you can experiment with for a number of months. Once you have a better grasp of the technique as well as, hopefully, a personal sexual interest in it THEN add it to your professional offerings.

Until then, please do your clients, the industry and yourself a favor and don’t ask others to pay for your learning curve.

M Katherine

I find the whole Bondassage phenomena both ridiculous and annoying. From what I have seen, its mostly another in a long line of marketing concepts from other types of sex workers trying to make more money and expand their client base by adding some BDSM to their menu. The only problem with this is that most of the ladies who do this aren’t actually kinky. I have HUGE issues with this. It isn’t just about being competent at what ever activity it is someone is PAYING you to do with them or that they have a right to a general trust that you know enough about what you are doing to not damage them and/or leave them with marks they can’t afford to have. Even more insidious is the lack of empathy, understanding and genuine shared interest that directly mirrors what so many clients are already facing at home. I’ve heard horror stories, kids.

Luckily I do know a number of providers who don’t advertise as professional dominants but are, none the less, seriously kinky little monkeys in their personal lives and they were so WAY before they offered such options professionally. They’d never send me an email like this…they wouldn’t need to. One of the bonuses to being pervy is you know how to find all those workshops, classes and resources. They were what you sought out when you started exploring your OWN sexuality and now its often you or your friends teaching them. Which means you don’t have to resort to cold calling your often caustic competition…

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